HOW-TO Unfriend IRL

So I've already showed you how to unfriend people on Facebook, how to remove Twitter followers, and how to make your coworkers not like you, but how do you unfriend people in real life?

It's easy to get people to stop talking to you anymore -- just make them enemies. But that's indelicate and can make things overly awkward. What if you're forced to see them again? Wouldn't you prefer that they just feel uncomfortable around you and want to leave the party?

Step 1: Delay responses to their messages.
As you know them personally, they're probably still friends with you on Facebook. If they write on your wall, or send you a message, or even just email you, make sure you take at least two days to respond. When you do, write something like, "Sorry, been busy." Then write a very brief, straightforward response to any question they've asked. Do not ask about them.

Avoid emoticons. They send mixed signals.

Step 2: Openly *not* invite them to things
Obviously you've stopped inviting them to social engagements by now, but if they don't know they haven't been invited they won't get the point. Make the event public on Facebook, post it to your profile, but do not invite them. If they ask, respond with, "Sorry, missed your name in the list." And nothing else.

Step 3: Always have another thing
They may invite you to an event or two, in an effort to maintain the friendship they treasure and see breaking down before them. But always have another thing. If you're talking to them on the phone, sound sincerely disappointed you can't make it to their event, but offer no suggestion of rescheduling, and do not invite them to your event. This can be difficult, but you'll know it's worth it by the quiver of grief in their voice.

Step 4: Prefer strangers
If you see them at a party, be obvious about being more interested in meeting new people than spending time with an old, still emotionally invested friend.

Step 5: Pretend nothing's wrong
This is the final, and most important step. Pretend you haven't changed, they have. If they ever ask what's going on between you two, make sure you frame every response as if you've been the one hurt. If they ask why they weren't invited to your party, say, "I was just getting the impression you wouldn't be interested."

This will deeply confuse and hurt them.

Soon, they'll stop asking at all.

New Landlord Lou! (Shameless Work-related Plug)

Plug for work stuff:
We just launched the new Landlord Lou site and videos for Killam Properties. It's really funny, I promise: Book Now or Live in a Dump!

My previous favourite Landlord Lou campaign, "Blockbusters," is here: http://www.landlordlou.ca/blockbuster/

What, would you say, you do here?

It's odd that I haven't really discussed what I actually do in web marketing for a living.

I think it's because I'm not entirely set on where this blog is going, yet. It's been reasonably professional and painfully formal so far, which bothers me a bit. I'm no stranger to overly-personal blogging, so I'm hoping I'll be able to find a comfortable middle ground soon.

Anyway, my day-to-day job is planning and buying online advertising campaigns. So I get briefed on the client/product/creative and I plan the online execution from there. I find the sites to purchase impressions on, make the buys, monitor campaigns, and work with the client to keep them up to speed. So that includes a lot of research, negotiation, and more spreadsheets and acronyms than could be easily imagined. Oh, and meetings after meetings after meetings...

That's for the display side. I also handle all the search marketing for our client's campaigns, both PPC and SEO. So I would set up and monitor and maintain Google/Yahoo paid link campaigns, and make SEO recommendations.

The rest of my job is being the internet expert in the office. Lots of meetings explaining social media, why CTR isn't as important as people would like to think, explaining the difference between reach and %Comp UV, and why if you make a website with a loading page you should be fired from the internet.

I'm actually preparing an hour-long talk that I'll be presenting to all my coworkers on Thursday about Web 2.0 and Social Media. I'm going to try to have it recorded, so depending on company policy I might be able to post it online.

So, yeah, that's a little bit of what I do. And also I'm the one male in the media department, so the other part of my job is being "the guy" who tries to turn the conversation away from Girlicious and toward Indiana Jones. With limited success.