HOW-TO Make friends at the office -- UPDATED

So I've already told you how to dress business casual at work, and now it's time to throw down a little wisdom about making friends at the office.

It can be a grueling thing to do, as most people are kind of, well, boring, you know?

But it's important to try because someday you might need them for something. Like money or drugs.*

Step one: Assert yourself.

Find someone in upper management whose personality you find abrasive and show them what's what. When they try to be nice and ask you if you'd like to join them and their colleagues for lunch, say, "yeah.... not so much."

Then they'll know that you make the calls around here. They won't make the same mistake again.

Step two: Be a little coy with the women.

Some days the office will be a little quieter while your coworkers are out "making deals," or sleeping in. If you sit near a member of the opposite sex, make sure you respond to their comments about how quiet the office is by saying, "yeah, there's no one here to hear you scream."

The silence is golden and laced with friendship.

Step three: Have priorities and make sure people know them.

If anyone asks you a work-related question, make sure you say, "shhhh, I'm watching a YouTube."

Step four: Don't listen a single thing I say.

Seriously, I've done every one of these things and @a__money and @pirie can attest that it's not helping in the friend-making department. But what would those jerks know?

*Like alcohol or Benylin Night

UPDATED: @a__money reminded me of another piece of advice I should pass along:
Step five: Know how to put people in a good mood.

People can be a little testy on Monday morning, so make sure you're able get the day off to a great start. I recommend having a "pump up" song to get everybody smiling as you set off on another busy week. Here's the song I play a few times a day to make sure office morale stays high.

HOW-TO Dress "Business Casual"

I wrote a guest post over at the lovely @aliasgrace's blog East Coast by Choice about how to dress "business casual" for your office job.

2) Jeans. Notice I didn’t says “pants,” or “bottoms.” This is non-negotiable. If you’re not wearing jeans don’t whine about not being comfortable: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG. Jeans = comfort. Except if you accidentally buy jeans with a button-fly at the Gap because you’re terrified of clothes-shopping and store clerks and dressing rooms and taking your pants off. If that happens (I have this friend who says it can happen and that you shouldn’t judge him!) then you’re in trouble and you’ll only wear them when your other jeans are dirty or something, or you can’t find them because they’re lost in the pile of dirty clothes and sadness somewhere on the carpet of your bedroom floor. Where was this going?

Go check out "Joel Kelly’s guide to dressing sensibly in an office environment."

My "Unfriend Someone Today" PodCamp Presentation

Sunday was Halifax's first PodCamp, and yours truly held a discussion on how and why you should unfriend people.

You can watch the full thing here in five parts: http://vimeo.com/album/60055 (thanks to @paulwesson for recording and uploading!)

And @philswinney gives a great review of it on his blog, along with a summarizing video: http://blog.philswinney.com/?p=128

HOW-TO Unfriend Someone

Find his or her name in your list of friends, and click the little “x”. That’s all there is to it.

The top referrals to my site come from people searching for something along the lines of “How to unfriend someone.” It’s really not that hard, it’s not something you should be taking tons of time to think about. It’s not serious. You’re not blacklisting them, (unless you are actually going to block them, which is recommended in some cases) you just don’t consider them really good friends. Like, real-life friends, not the bastardized term “friend” we use on the internet.

If you’re considering unfriending someone, it’s the right thing to do. You can always friend him again, later. “But,” you say, “won’t they be offended?” Maybe. But seriously, if you’re done having him on your friends list, why do you care? Someone who makes you feel obligated to friend them is far from a friend, he’s a leech.

Facebook for almost all people is a collection of names and nothing more. It’s not a network of trusting and trusted friends. It’s a phone book with pictures.

You don’t have to friend your boss, you don’t have to friend your coworkers. You don’t have to friend anyone you don’t want to. If you’re worried that your boss will be mad at you, then you have a pretty terrible job, and a much bigger problem than internet etiquette.

Imagine a world where your friends list is populated only by close, real-life friends. People you trust with your personal thoughts and feelings, people you can count on to help you out and who you want to help. You know, friends. Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it be great if you didn’t have to censor your thoughts about something because you’re worried the wrong person might see it?

Oh, and if you’re thinking, “But what if a real friend on my list sees something I’ve written and then passes it on to someone else?” Well, if you’re concerned about someone doing that, then he’s not your friend.

Unfriend him.